How to survive wedding season when you’re 25 and single

I don’t know why people choose to get married during the summer. I mean it’s hot, humid, and you get easily dizzy. You wear uncomfortable dresses and talk to people you barely know. It’s probably the reason why summer is the wedding season. Because it’s only fun for the newly weds. As for myself I would rather go to a cook out or something, but I have a lot of friends and as a good friend, I have to live this wonderful moment with them. Except that I’m 25 and at that age most of your friends are in long term relationship, parents or getting married. And if you are single, If you are dating or if you have no plans of getting married, this wedding season can turn into a nightmare. It’s only the beginning of July and I’m already on my 4th wedding, and as you can see, I survived, because I realized that I developed some superpower. No, I’m kidding. But, with some of the advises that I’m willing to share with you, you too can survive wedding season if you’re 25 and single.

1. Stay away from the elders

They are the worst. Specially if they know you, or have seen you grow. I guess in their head, they think they are being considerate and caring. But asking: “sweetie, when is it going to be your turn” only makes people uncomfortable, because if we knew we would send invitations. Clearly the day, is not about you but about the newly weds. But as you can’t say any slick comment to anybody older than 40 (this is my caribbean side taking over), please stay away from the elders and avoid yourself some epic clap-back moments.

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2. Always look your best

Because, well, everything gets better with a nice dress. But really, when you are comfortable in what you wearing, you are more confident and it shows. Plus you don’t want anybody to say that if you’re not married it’s because you have no style or don’t know how to dress. Be the cool friend that every one wants to strike a pose with.

3. Do not get caught not smiling

A great mind in a great body. As much as you look good, your mental has to be strong as well. And if really, you’re not in the happiest mood, well you will have to fake it. Because, first of all, a wedding is always a happy moment. And second, you don’t want anybody to ask: “why you’re not dancing? Why you’re not talking? Why you’re not smiling? Is it because you’re sad?” Honey you don’t have time to extrapolate, just smile and be the light of the party.

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4. Go to the bathroom when they are throwing the bouquet

This goes to my ladies, because the men don’t have to go through this ritual. You know, standing in the middle of a bunch of ladies and trying to catch the bouquet that will determine if you will be the next one to get a ring on it, as if this was the ultimate goal of your life? However, if we put aside the pettiness, this can really be a fun part of the wedding. Except the fact that this little ritual can be a hard time when you reach the age to be married. It’s the biggest challenge, because when you participate you look desperate. I had an old lady telling me once, that catching the bouquet won’t bring me a husband. Not that I thought it would be the case, but I kind of felt ashamed anyway. Yet, the last time I decided to not play the game, one of my friends told me that this type of mentality was the reason why I was still alone. You can normally bet that since that day I avoid this challenge and I hide myself in the bathroom. Because you can have 99 problems but clearly debating on catching a bouquet ain’t one.

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5. Go with your girlfriends

Don’t ever go alone! But better go with one or 2 of your girl’s squad. Because not only It helps you avoid questions like: “where is your boyfriend?” or “Is he your boyfriend?” but also you have somebody to keep you company and who will have a better conversation than the ups and down of your love life.

6. If you go with your boo don’t stay together

Sometimes, you have no choice than accompany your significant other to a wedding. And you certainly will face question like: “when are you making the big jump”. Chances are, you probably already chose the date, but if you haven’t, it will be too much of a headache for people to go back and forth between the two of you. Plus, those questions aside from making you uncomfortable also put some pressure not only on you, but also on your partner. And this is the type of discomfort that you’re trying to avoid.

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7. Do not get drunk

May be Because alcohol makes everything blurry, takes away all your aptitude. May be because alcohol loosen your temper. May be because being drunk at a wedding, you can look pathetic. I can go on, the list is long. Have fun, but don’t get drunk.

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8. Stay away from the single guys

We all know that wedding is the best place to find girls. I mean, with all the negativity they are throwing at you, you get depressed, resentful and you might end up doing things that you will regret. And trust me, all the single guys are here for that. You might want to avoid that as well. Because, It’s gonna be too much of a headache to deal with what might come after that, and, Honey, you don’t need that type of negativity in your life.

9. Don’t try to explain yourself or make a story up

You don’t owe explanation to anybody for the choices you make in your life. You don’t need their validation nor disapproval. Being in your twenties, you’re allowed to make mistakes, enjoy life or mess it up a little bit. Your excuse is that you’re young. Don’t try to make up stories. Because as we say in Haitian creole “ twou manti pa fon”. Which means a lie will always catch up with you, and you don’t want to follow up with a story that you made up to avoid some uncomfortable moments and that you can barely remember. Own your choices, as long as they make you happy.

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10. Eat because food is life

I know I said the wedding was the time to celebrate with your friends while they are going through one of the biggest steps of their life. But really, after the kiss, all we care about is what is on the menu. Food never disappoint you and we all know that you’d rather answer all these clumsy questions with a full stomach. So eat because food is life.

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5 life lesson that I learned while having a drink with Phyllisia Ross

Version Française

In my craziest dreams, I’ve always thought that I was bestie with Phyllisia Ross. You know, I saw us, hanging out, listening to classical music, her playing piano and me drinking tea. I know, your girl has some of the weirdest thoughts, but one of the things that I’ve learned during those past few years of shamelessly working for Hello Crepuscule, is that you have to “Fake it until you make it”. That has really been my motto and I truly believe that if you fake it hard enough one day, one day, you will have the chance to make it. And when that day comes, man, you better seize it. That’s kind of what happened.

I met Phyllisia Ross, last year at an event organized by the Embassy of Haiti in France where she was performing and I approached her. Did I say that even in my dreams, she has always looked unapproachable? Well That was exactly how I felt while approaching her. I thought that she would act like a Diva and not even talk to me, and frankly I wouldn’t even blame her. But she had to surprise me. So, here I am, one year later, in this bar. She’s sitting in front me, sipping some wine, talking about Miles Davis, Cote des arcadins and how she’s planning on discovering more places in Haiti. I’m excited but I’m trying to act professional, and while I’m listening to her, talking about her career, her last music “can’t resist” that you can watch here, I realize that through her, I’m learning. I was thinking about how I could share her fashion style with you, her simple makeup and cute short locs, or maybe how she’s changing the music game by remaining true to herself, by who inspired her, but at this exact moment, nothing was clearer than the fact that I realized , I, as a young Haitian woman could also have a positive impact on the world. So I thought I’d share with you 5 life lesson, that I learned while having a drink with Phyllisia Ross.

Phyllisia Ross Wendelle Theodore Hello Crepusucle

1. Be Down to earth
That was probably the first thing That I learned from her: Phyllisia is realistic. I was already shocked when she had replied to my DM on Instagram, but listening to her talk, I realized that she’s very humble and down to earth. Phyllisia describes herself as somebody that has a focus outlook on the world. This reminds me that being realistic is one of the best quality ever. Not letting your accomplishments blind you from what is real and what is not, can be a reminder, a motivation for you to do more.

2. Don’t limit yourself
Phyllisia’s speech makes more sense to me because she’s a living proof of what she’s says. For her, you shouldn’t limit yourself. In whatever you do Make sure what you do is quality. Think about it, just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should limit yourself to only this “thing”. Or just because you belong to one community, doesn’t mean you should only talk about it. I relate so much to this, specially with hello Crepuscule. When people don’t understand why I don’t write about the same things I used to write about when I started. You have the choice to explore all the opportunities that you have in front of you, why should you only take one just because you’re good at it? And because Phyllisia’s variety of music is just what you need to remind you that you have a field of adventures in front of you, go ahead and be a butterfly.
P.S: My puns go from bad to worse. I just can’t help it.

3. You should live a life of adventures
Talking about adventures, when asked where she gets all of her inspiration, Phyllisia says “: I’m living my life, I’m experiencing stuff, and that’s what my music is about”. Traveling from america to Europe, she brings the best of everywhere she goes, while keeping such an originality in her music. And for me this goes right after “don’t limit yourself”. Because once you’re ready in your mind, when you think that you should and you can live a life full of potential, you just have to go ahead and do it.

4. Be Fearless
I hope that what I’m writing looks as clear to you as they are in my head. Because while having Phyllisia sitting in front of me, in this little bar on “Les Champs-Elysées”, I realized that, none of this would have been possible if I had worried about the fear of talking to her. It only took me one step to go and talk to her and forget about the stress that I had. Therefor, when Phyllisia talked about fear, her speech just touched me. For her you shouldn’t be afraid to go against what people do. Be fearless and do what you gotta do.

5. Always be grateful for the community where you come from
During my time talking to her, I asked Phyllisia why doesn’t she have more music in creole?Does she actually speak creole” Why did she waited for so long before having her first concert in Haiti? Who does she look up as Haitian artist. Where does she like to visit when she’s in Haiti? The inner Haitian in me was so eager to claim her and keep her for me. But she made me realize one thing: “You can represent an entire culture by being the best version of yourself and by enjoying what you do.” The ones who love you or appreciate what you do, will always come back to you. All you Have to do is to be grateful for the community where you come from because through your life you will see what it has brought to you.

P.S: I know you’re dying to know the answers to all my questions. YES Phyllisia speaks Creole. Her list of Haitian artist is long and includes artists like Arly larriviere, Riva Precil, Ti Djo Zenny.. anyone who’s doing a positive job in the community. She doesn’t want to define her music by her simply singing haitian songs, she has sung with artists like the game, young jeezy, Ne-yo, she has sung reggae . She just does what she feels like doing, depend on the vibe. And when asked how she describes her music, she replied: I want to make music simple enough for people to digest but complex enough to be real music. I don’t want to make fast-food music, but some diri and legum ¹  that I made all day long”.

  1. diri and legum: rice and stew. one of haiti’s national dish 

Wendelle Théodore 

Dear Young Wendy

French Version

Dear Wendy

Today is your birthday.  You just cut your hair off you and you’re getting ready to leave Haiti for college. For the first time in your life, you did something that you really wanted to do. You don’t know it yet, but this decision will change your life. I know you were expecting something else, but believe me, going natural is one of the best decisions you will ever make in your life. It will not be easy. At first, you’ll go every week to the beauty salon, just so you can get your hair straighten, but later on, you’ll adapt yourself. After 3 big chops (yes, I know, you wonder what that word really means. You’ll see, you will learn lots of fancy words like that). Anyways, after 3 big chops, you will have mastered so well the art of making twist-out that you’ll end up convincing (And By that I really mean to force) everybody around you to do the same.

Wendy, I guess you know I won’t spend all my time talking to you about hair, right? I just wanted you to think of these words every time you’ll have to cover your head with a hat because your hair will not want to cooperate. Because believe me, it will happen, often.

Wendy, Wendy, Wendy! If only you knew what is waiting for you, you would understand the girl you’ve become. You would understand that it is not a problem if all your friends have continued their studies and that you’ve dropped out of college because you did not really find your way. You would understand that it’s ok to “mize nan wout”1 as we say in Creole, the most important is that you will bring something positive.

Wendy, these six years have been therapeutic, challenging, but they were undoubtedly among the best six years of your life. Today on the eve of my birthday, I realize that everything I won is maturity. I swear, I finally understood what this word really meant. I probably could not explain it to you, but you see, it’s this kind of feeling that I have that makes me plan to spend my birthday in an orphanage rather than a nightclub.

My letter is a message of courage, for all the times you have fallen into depression. You’ll get out of it, stronger, day after day, all alone, like a grown up. And you’ll even laugh about it. To be honest, sometimes your laugh will be satirical. But, you will never lose your smile, no tears will erase it.

Wendy, you will realize your dream of living in exotic countries: Argentina, France, Taiwan, United States. You’ll meet some amazing people. I’ll say no names. I don’t want any one to be jealous. You will have the opportunity to get closer to those friends with whom you have never lost contact since high school. You will spend sleepless nights talking to them on the phone. Some will remind you every day how much they miss you. Some will be so close to you that you’ll get the impression of never having left Haiti. Some will show you the true definition of “ride or die” and how you can always count on them. Some will forget you for a time, but will come back to you. Some will always support you and some will become like family members. The list is really long. And I’m happy to tell you not to let your heart fill with hate for the human kind.

You will be disappointed, betrayed, hurt. And people will take advantage of you or your naivety to the point that you’ll want to be mean. Trust me, you will try, and you’ll end up every time getting screwed. I’m sorry to tell you this, but I still haven’t found the way to make you less candid. Anyways, all is not rosy. But I think that you have already understood that. Sometimes everything will be black. However, you always had have a good sense of color. So you will know how to color life as you’ll like it.

Oh! I was about to forget! You will always be stupid in love. And get heartbroken. It’s weird to tell you that. Because it will be an excruciating and incomparable pain. I still have not mastered the art of writing about it. It might be a goal that I would have to achieve. But do not worry, I do not think this is the topic that interests you the most.

What have I forgot to tell you? Ah! you’ll have a few accidents? 2 actually. In the course of 2 years. For the first one, both the taxi driver who was driving you and the one who will hit you will run away abandoning you on the road. But do not worry. Because the second one in which you’ll have your leg broken, will be even worse. And I assure you, walking with crutches is really not as easy as it looks in the movies. Nevertheless, as a good princess as you are, you will get a train waiting for you in Paris. It’s pretty cool right?

But you know what is the best Wendy? Is that today you’re celebrating the 2 years anniversary of your blog. I bet you did not expect that right? Well, yeah. You finally found an audience as weird as you to love what you write. I’m sure the 9 years old little girl who had her first book entitled “the book of my dogs and their life before their death” would not expect that either. I also have a youtube channel. I have a little trouble being regular. I only post a video once every two months. But I promised myself to work on that. I talk about travel, art, environment, Haiti, a lot about Haiti, about hair and as strange as it may seem, about fashion. And I still manage to be a full time student. You will be proud to create this blog. It’s the coolest thing you have ever created. Girl, You’re going to write in English! I mean can you see that? Actually you will have a lot to do before writing a decent article. But if one believes those who read you, most manage to understand more or less what you write. So it’s not so bad. I gave it the coolest name ever, “Hello Crepuscule” just in memory of all those times you got up before dawn to watch the sunrise.

So Wendy, Do not lose hope. I think you have done well for these 6 years. You could have done better. I mean, you could have moved to Brazil rather than Argentina. Anyway, I realized over time that you never do anything like everyone else. And I will take advantage of that. Wendy, what will I say to my future self within 6 years? I do not know yet the goals that I’ll set to myself. And to be Frank, I have not reached any of the goals I set to myself before turning 30. So I think I have a lot of work, and a very little time. I just wanted to thank you for allowing me to be the girl that I am and I’m hoping to make proud the girl that I will be in 6 years. Promise me you’ll always focus on the positive side of things. And if there is none, promise me to create it.

1. Mize nan wout men pote bon nouvel: Creole expression to say that we waste time on the way but at the end we were able to bring good provisions. I had trouble finding the exact translation of “Mize” but it seems that it comes from the old French “muser” and is described by the act of walking, strolling. somehow, Creole will never cease to amaze me.

1o Fun facts about Haiti

A few days ago I read an article about Haiti! It was pretty interesting since it actually gave to whoever was reading it 10 fun facts about Haiti that this person probably didn’t know. So I decided to make an English version of it so I can make all these informations available for everybody! I’m pretty sure there is so much more that I can publish about Haiti that you didn’t know but you’ll eventually have to wait until my next post. But now you can enjoy 10 facts about Haiti. Let me know which one you already knew and don’t be shy to give me more ideas that you think I could share.

1.Haiti is the most mountainous island in the Caribbean,

2. The turtle island was inhabited only by pirates during the 17th century .

3. L’île-à-vache “the cow island” was named after an invasion Of Wild cow after the colons left the island.

4.The Haitian area is larger than the state of Vermont.

5. Haiti has 14 airports.

6. From the 15th to the 19th century, France, Spain and England were fighting over the control of the island of Hispaniola.

7. Haiti is the only black nation in the world whose independence is the direct result of a slave revolt

8.The independence of Bolivia, Ecuador, Colombia, Peru and Venezuela would not have been possible without the military and financial support of Haiti.

9.The flag of Venezuela was created in the port of Jacmel, which is a little city in the south east of Haiti.

10. During 105 years, Haiti was responsible for producing 40% of sugar consumed on the planet.

The day I realized that I was wasting my twenties

French Version

I read once a post on Facebook that said: “Nothing will ruin your twenties more than thinking you should have your life together already”. I found this post so accurate. I used to be so unsatisfied about my own accomplishments, always seeking more and comparing myself to others that I thought were doing so much more than me. When other people believed I was doing fine, I tended to be skeptical. I would get quite depressed, until the day I realized that I was wasting my twenties.

Take stock and reflect. I mean you’re in your twenties! It’s the time to get away from all the stereotypes and reconcile with yourself. Typically, we have so many expectations, so many milestones we believe we should reach by the time we turn 30. In fact, those are just reflections of the society’s expectations.  As my first article for this year, I thought that I should share with you 10 tips before you waste a decade of your life.

1. Always move forward. It’s okay to not let anything make you feel like shit. Don’t feel like you have to explain yourself. Be unapologetic, except when you know you have caused harm to someone else.

2. Know who you are. I usually say that the process of learning yourself is a journey. It’s not a destination. I’m not talking about any kind of knowledge. You need to know yourself racially, historically, culturally. You need to know not just how to be in peace with yourself, but also how to be in peace with your past. Knowing your history helps you define who you are and what you represent. Don’t ever let anyone else tell you who you are. You are the one to define your own path. It’s okay if you change your mind. That means you’re growing.

3. Be accountable for what you do and don’t take others’ validation too deeply to heart. This means you need to own every single action that you will do in this world. Either it’s a failure or a success. Acknowledge both your mistakes and your rights as equally important. Sometimes you’ll need to defend yourself. No one else will do it for you. Do it with confidence. And don’t expect people to validate your work. Don’t be shallow. Find validation in the ratio between how positively you impact yourself and others versus how you mess up and hurt others. Because you will hurt others. And others will hurt you. Be accountable for this. But only you can define if you’ll get stronger or weaker.

4. Learn to listen in order to learn more, to keep growing. By listening, I mean giving your undivided attention without thinking about how it relates to you, or what you are going to reply. Our teachers, elders often teach us how to be a leader, how to speak but often forget to teach us how to listen. We need to learn how to grow within the interactions we have with the people around us. Not focusing on your own self, but in seeing everyone as human beings, no matter who they are and where they come from. Learn to listen to others. And, just as important, learn to listen to yourself.

5. You will break down, often. You are going to have moments of unbearable pain. You are going to have moments of unbearable loneliness. You’ll get to the point that heartbreaks will be a physical pain that will burn your chest until calcination, that your eyes will dry out from crying too much, and your voice will recede slowly from yelling your pain. But you will grow from it. No pain is endless. It takes time to learn how to heal yourself. And healing sometimes still leaves scars. Because you never fully heal. But you can learn how to love your scars because one day they’ll remind you of where you were. You’ll also need to learn how to love being with yourself, because no one has the potential to love you like you can. I mean, who should appreciate your company better than yourself? In Haitian Creole they usually say: “you were born alone, you’ll die alone”. I hope this makes you understand how important it is to live with yourself.

6. This is probably the one that I prefer: “find a purpose”. Find something that makes you feel like the world makes sense, even if you can’t justify it intellectually to yourself or anyone else. Find something that gives you the strength to wake up every morning, that motivates your day, and makes you tired when it’s time to sleep. This can be: read a good book, having a soulful conversation, chasing your biggest dream or get intimate, why not? Find what works for you and be loyal to it.

7. The world is a mess. The world is sick. People will hate you just because you’re being yourself. You are not responsible for the actions of those who hated themselves so much that they hurt you. Live for the love, live for the good, live shamelessly.

8. Another Haitian Proverb is: “love the ones who love you”. Do not waste your time with somebody who doesn’t take your happiness as a priority. Don’t put up with lovers who don’t give you room to explore, to express, and above all – if a lover is only focused on using you as a vessel to reach their plateau – be out. Their happiness should be a priority to you but yours should matter as well.

9. Find people who are on the same path as you. Do not carry broken people who are not in the process of rebuilding themselves. They are likely to sap your strength, to drain you.

10. Going to college is an accomplishment. It does open doors and is, at some point, necessary. Don’t neglect your studies for a partying life. But don’t neglect your social life for studies, either. You need to find a balance, because college is nothing compared to what is waiting for you in life. It does not make you better than anyone else. It doesn’t make you essentially more intelligent. You never really make it “out” of the class you came from, and you never really make it “in” to the class you aspire to. What matters is your contribution to a better world.

Chronicles of a haitian girl in Paris

French Version

I wander in the cold streets of Paris. It’s raining! I Look at my watch: It’s 6:30. The weather is refreshing. I’m discovering everything about this city. Paris is new to me. A whole lot of shops line up next to each other. I barely know their names. I’m willing to know more. I’m on my “Dora The explorer” mood. A church appears at a crossroads. It looks lordly and its view fills me with a feeling of spirituality. I stop on my walk and I take a quick picture. My phone gets wet immediately.

I look at the sky and I let the icy raindrops fall all over me. I’m feeling like a movie character. I compare myself to a fearless heroine seeking for adventures. I close my eyes and I imagine my own fairytale: The love of my life will suddenly appear. He will protect me from the raindrops. He will tell me with his french accent:

– Mademoiselle, je vous offre un café? (1)

This is the storyline that we usually see in novels. I will smile. I will take a candid peek at him and I will answer:

– Avec plaisir! (2)

He will tell me every little details about this city. Paris have welcomed me since the past few months and I barely know this city. He will teach me everything that I need to know. We will have some long and smart talks. I will try my best to show that I can express myself with wit. Because I’ll want him to think that I am smart. He will tell me poems in the language of Molière. I will inspire him the most beautiful verses… I feel the stream of the raindrops over my hands. I come back to reality. Paris is the city of Love. But my fairytale will not have a happy ending.

I try to follow the pace of the passengers. Parisian are always in a hurry. They gradually outstrip me. I slow down my pace. I am a Caribbean girl. I like to take my time.

I discover Paris at dusk. There is no twilight, but the city is all lit up. People are dressed in black and the walls are gray. Paris seems sad. It is animated, yet seems frozen. I am an island girl, I can not help but notice the lack of color on the houses even when I know that each one of these houses shouts a story.

Cafes and bars are as numerous as fashion stores. At every corner, at every avenue, they line up one after the other. All filled. I am looking for a quiet place to retire.

My lack of style and elegance can remind everybody that I’m new in this city. I am neither a Parisian, much less a fashionista. I know, because my boots up in my lap and my scarf hides half of my face. I am a Caribbean girl, I’m afraid of the cold. The other girls outstrip me, each one more elegant than other one. I mentally add to my to-do list ” go shopping”.

My hair is falling over my face. What was supposed to be a big marvellous Fro at the beginning of the day, is now a life less tuft.

A rose seller approaches me and asks:

– Une fleur pour la demoiselle? (3)

I desperately look for some money. But in my pocket, I only have tickets for the metro.

The seller smiles at me and says:

– C’est gratuit, pour la demoiselle. (4)

Paris! Why does you have to be so beautiful?

I’m listening to “sober” from Childish Gambino. Because all those who know me, know that Wendy lives to the rhythm of music. And my music tonight is this song that I can describe only with two words: Melancholic, perfect.

I continue my walk alone with myself. I hum the lyrics of the song: “Now That it’s over, I’ll Never Be sober” …

And then my eyes fill with tears. They are hot. They stream down my face and mix with rain drops. Memories flood into my head. I close my eyes. My mood must be as volatile as the weather. I switch from “heroine looking for love” to this indecisive, melancholic, lost girl.

I take my phone out of my pocket. It is 20:00. I count my steps. No matter where they take me, I am fearless. Paris promises to be enchanting.

(1)_Miss, Can I offer you a drink?

(2)_With pleasure!

(3)_Does the lady want a rose?

(4)_It’s free for the Lady!